First Day@Home in Dilli

I can say this on behalf of all the people who live very far away from home -- the first day of your visit to the homeland is SURREAL. Your heart is like a pendulum, it swings in and out of comfort zone. 

On one end, there is excitement to meet your loved ones and a much-needed chance to show affection. On the other end, your surroundings feel a bit different. For me, things such as unfamiliar billboards, unknown cars on streets, new e-rickshaws etc. -- all add up to create a sense of alienation. It feels conflicting and a little frustrating to feel like a tourist in your own city. 

In the car, my mom begins to share developments and stories about our rishtedaar and extended family members, while I remain distracted by the overwhelming developments around me. Once we reach home, I am jolted right back into my comfort zone. The pictures of Nana Nani create vacuum and warmth at the same time. I wish they were there. 

Living in the US for so long has made me habitual to do my own work - cook food, unpack my own bags etc. On coming home, I feel slightly discomfited when all of my work is taken care of by Lalita - food is ready and the bags are unpacked immediately. While I want to set an example for everyone and do my own work, I let it go on the second day....conveniently.

But despite everything, I don't quite feel in sync with my surroundings as yet. The huge difference in both of my worlds leave me hanging in the middle somewhere, belonging to neither of the place wholeheartedly. Sometimes that distance tend to confuse me about my identity and where I belong. I wonder how much have I adapted to my new surroundings and how much have I forgotten my roots....  

The difference in time and jet lag causes me to wake up at 4:30AM the next day. After an hour of restless introspection and anxiety, I go to the balcony to enjoy the morning solitude. Across the street, the morning Aarti starts at our neighborhood mandir and it's the same Aarti I have grown up listening to everyday until I moved to the US. 

In just one moment, all my senses are awakened and I feel in complete sync with my surroundings...and myself. It is the same aarti I heard when I prepared for my IIT exams in 12th class....it is the same aarti when I wrote my essays for university...it is the same aarti to which the entire street wakes up every morning.  

At 5:30AM - the Aarti, the quiet street and the morning wind has the power to remind that no matter where you stay and what you become, your core never changes -- it remains in the street you first associate with a sense of self -- the street that invokes nostalgia and memories of innocence. The street that engulfs you with immense comfort and protection - it's the only constant. Seriously, kaun jaaye dilli ki galliyon se...they're magical!